While writing my other blog, I was reminded of this song I wrote years ago. It has never been sung in church but whenever I have a chance to grab a guitar, I always sing this. Now in Thailand, I realized why God let me write this song. This has never been so real to me as it is now.

I have come to a place of surrender
A point of no return
I have come to a place of abandon
A point of letting go

(so) won’t you take me into your arms again?
Won’t you hold me
Never let me go
And embrace me like there’s no tomorrow
Jesus You’re all I need…
All that I need

We came to Thailand do serve.. to do something.. to somehow make a difference in this land they call “land of the Free..” but with so little witness of the gospel. But looking back, I can see many things Thailand Missions has done for us.

Hunger for God
Since we came to Thailand we bid goodbye to dependence on self, family, and people. Not that we were self-dependent when we were in the Philippines, but it was easy to do that. I am just being reminded of “burning our boats and bridges”– we have nothing and no one to go home to, and there is no reason for us to turn back now. We have sold our business, someone else will live in our house. It is a painful thought, but at the same time, it is God saying, “just move on.. there is more.” It is Jesus gently asking, “do you love me more than these?” pointing to comfort, family, ministry, friends, home. In Thailand, every moment of the day is prayer time. I speak in tongues while doing the laundry, i cry in worship while cooking dinner and I just hunger for God like never before.

Nobody… but somebody
In Thailand nobody knows me. Nobody knows who my family is, nobody treats me special. I kind of like that… I am so tired of being in a family in a small city where everybody knows everybody. I am sick of the thought that I should be this because my family name dictates that I should be so. I just want to do God’s will, no matter what the cost. I walk in Bangkok streets and I ride the single motor everyday.. I ride on a songthew and I am just like anyone else. I am a nobody… but somebody in His eyes. In Thailand, I know, like never before, that I am being watched and cared for.. by a Heavenly Dad who never grows tired of loving me

Joey+me= Sweeter
Yes… cheesy! haha.. Maybe because we only have each other. Joey has health problems now, and it is a stressful thought. But we hold hands more often, hug more often and say “I love you” many, many times a day. The covenant we made is more real to us now like never before. This was what we always wanted, and this is where we are at this point in our lives. Everyday in Thailand is a love day– whether we have lots of food in the fridge or not… whether we have money in our account or not. We are a team. We are in this together. For better, for worse, til death do us part.

Ria+Balong= Friends
They were never this bonded! Back home, Ria was always with cousins, Balong engrossed with Playhouse Disney. Now, left with no choice, they make compromises… what video to watch, what game to play, what song to sing. Ria once said, “i never thought he could be a great friend”– but hmmm.. they do quarrel a lot! But well, don’t good friends do that?

A BETTER MOM
Back home I always entrusted my kids to people. No, not other people… but we can say, family. Like I said, Ria hanging out with cousins on weekends and Balong with Dad or Playhouse Disney. I don’t cook merienda for them, although I do cook food for meals. In Thailand I get to do everything.. alangan sa silingan ibilin? Abaw! haha! I am loving it. I love to take my kids when I go to grocery, I love telling them stories, I love it when they grab my hand and show me something funny in the film they are watching. I am amazed of how smart they are, memorizing the lines of their favorite movies. I am blown away when Balong imitates Hillsong London. My heart melts when both of them ask me, “can we help you, ma?” when they see me washing clothes or slicing vegetables or meat. Ria would always say of my home-cooked meals, “it’s not delicious, ma. It is very delicious!” wow.. pila ra gud akong kalipay no? hahay…

But before you can say that Thailand is a paradise, it is not. It cannot be. I know, there will be challenges ahead. There will be times that we will be misunderstood. There will be mountains to climb, there will be Goliaths to defeat. There will be difficult characters to deal with. Perhaps, God intended Thailand to be like this for us.. at such a time as this, to let us know how happy He is that we are here…at a point of no return. At a place of complete abandon and surrender.. at a place where His cloud leads us, for now. For the near future? Only He knows.

Ria, Lorraine (one of our first pillars disciples who is now in south Thailand teaching) and I had a late night on October 16. We were doing the “girly-girly thing” as Ria calls it. Cleaning our nails, polishing… erasing… repolishing… and of course, chatting. Lorraine and I had a lot of catching up to do, after three years of not being able to see each other. Tearful confessions, laughters, and remembering the good old days in Pillars. Before we knew it, it was past 1 in the morning! She greeted me a happy birthday and off we went to bed.

I had a wonderful time at devotional this morning. I just praised God for my first birthday in the field. I remembered how I used to kneel down in prayer when I was 16. Newly saved and on fire ( i still am, actually! lol!), I used to sing my favorite song: “I will serve thee”. It is an old hymn. Slowly that morning, I sang it..

I was in tears. Wow, it still is a beautiful song. I thank God that during those times that I was so young in age and spiritually, He heard the longing of my heart… and He was faithful to fulfill His part of the covenant… To see me through as I longed to serve Him with all my heart. Looking back, I had not always been faithful, but He remained true to His word.. true to His promise and saw to it that I would indeed be serving Him. It was, and it is still His energy and strength that works in me that I might do His works! He has become my life, my all. I just loved God that all through these years, He saw to it that I would be here for such a time as this. He heard my cry when I longed to see the lost saved. How could He have missed it? It is HIS cry! It has always been.

My birthday has been wonderful. I had a small cake given by Lorraine, P’Lorrie, our director treated us for pizza, and our new friends Penn and Day treated us with such a heavy dinner… Sukiyaki! Then I blew my cake and had prayer with them. Now that the day has gone, I praise God– the lunch and dinner were sumptuous and the cake was yummy… but over and above that, I praise that I am in the center of His will… doing the right thing, in the right place, at the right time. I thank God that I am here– in the middle of a place so loved by God, in a place where there is so much heartache, brokenness, and ruined lives in the absence of the gospel in their lives.